in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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