By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i now understand why vodka
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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