Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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