dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Randomize
