Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
