YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
