why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
