I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
All I want is dick and wine.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
