im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
