So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
