He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
