Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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