how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
im holly from the hills drunk
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
