so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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