I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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