We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
