so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
