i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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