Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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