she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
