I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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