You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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