Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
