3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
