no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
