I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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