She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
