You're my little dorito
I wish my penis had an off switch
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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