i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
