I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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