mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
