Will you blow on my dice?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
