Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's never too late to be topless.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
