shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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