I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
