Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
