i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
