I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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