I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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