Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
