some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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