so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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