Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
