All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
