I hate all girls vehemently.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
