i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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