idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
