i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
