We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
