i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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