i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
