yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
