so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
